Strategic Damage Control – Friday

n and columnist Spielgel. On her Instagram account, “wastarasagen,” she talks about society and feminism. Her format “Tikoxy” has become particularly popular with over 300,000 followers, where she reacts to misogynistic TikToks and labels them as feminists. Witwer prefers to describe herself as an influencer rather than a content creator because, as she writes at the beginning of her new book, she often felt like she had to apologize for her job title. Looking up to and making fun of influential people is more socially acceptable than almost any other professional group. However, influencers must have ethical integrity, authenticity, and a professional approach to public criticism. Even when strangers comment on their videos unasked or harshly, technological innovations have also changed the way apologies are handled: spoken statements on Instagram or specially written texts have become a new genre in the field of public apologies. However, Witwer concludes from these observations that she no longer has to apologize for her content when people ask for it without being asked on social media platforms. She is quick to block people who might write her insulting messages. This was not always the case. “I always felt sorry for everything,” Witwer writes. She was especially sorry about everything related to her. She often excused herself. For being too high, for being insufficient, for being unsuitable. Witwer says the excessive apologies come primarily from women. but why? They are still assigned roles such as peacemaker, caring, helpful, loving, and kind-hearted. These demands often make a woman a “people pleaser,” someone who wants to please everyone: be and be uncomplicated and helpful. I love in return. People-pleasers are known to apologize frequently, even for things they can't do anything about. As Tara Louise Witwer writes, apologies don't improve relationships. They didn't make things worse and kept the status quo. Drawing on her own experiences, Witwer talks about how she approaches apologies in many small and large scenarios and how it has changed over the past few years. At times she seems almost defiant, saying she doesn't want to be a people pleaser anymore — and do her own thing, and the tone of the book matches her online presence: she's being loud and being loud. And they continue to post their feminist content without saying “sorry.” “I'm sorry something stupid happened to you, I'm sorry you're not feeling well, I'm sorry that this situation, which I can't do anything about, is just like this.” Always admit guilt. They can also express sympathy, express respect, continue a conversation, or express a desire not to cause trouble. How many times do you send messages like “Sorry, my train is late” without being able to do anything about it? Witwer describes a situation in which a friend asked her out on a spontaneous date. She is torn: on the one hand, she wants to be a good friend, but at the same time she prefers to spend the evening on the couch. Seemingly the most obvious solution: a message containing the following words: “Sorry, but I don't have time today.” Witwer describes the process of deciding to be honest rather than apologetic. In the end, her friend replies that she needs the evening to herself. Assessing when an apology is reasonable and necessary is about self-confidence, says Witwer. Patriarchal structures have conditioned women to keep themselves small. The side effects of this are countless regrets and regrets. Instead of self-defense and self-defense, there is defensiveness, retreat, and surrender. Women have learned this behavior through cultural expectations and power dynamics. In capitalism, apologies have their own function, and are sometimes part of the strategy. Many companies, such as Apple recently, have published data in the past to avoid creating a firestorm of nonsense and not inconvenience customers. Apologies reflect a certain self-image and serve primarily as harm reduction in public. An apology is only valuable if spoken words are followed by actions. Based on the title of Witwer's book, the “but” after an apology is relative to an admission of guilt; It makes it invalid to say the word “sorry” before it. Such so-called “non-apology,” in which an apology is expressed but not intended that way in the subtext, often leaves the recipient of the message confused. An apology, whether sincere or not, need not be accepted, Witwer writes. Psychologically, apologies can have a positive effect because admitting guilt and asking for forgiveness shows insight. In other cases, the other party will not want to hear your request for forgiveness. “An apology that comes too late does not help the healing process,” Witwer says. For all the moments when apologizing is not necessarily good in Witwer's book (too exaggerated, too dishonest, too belittling, too inconsiderate), her goal is not to apologize less, but to apologize more sincerely. We need, she explains, a more culture. Correctness to errors, fewer tearful explanations and apology videos from celebrities on Instagram. Wittwer's conclusion is not surprising: “I generally don't have to apologize for the decisions I make regarding my life. As long as I don't hurt others or discriminate against them, I can and will live the way I want.”